Real and Raw at Home

Are you speaking truth or just niceties?

As kids we were taught that honesty was the best policy.

Somewhere along the way, we learned that honesty sometimes hurts. When people get hurt, you get in trouble. Therefore, don’t be honest unless the honesty is “nice.”

Time passes.

More and more of our “honest” conversations really become politically correct words with the difficult, uncomfortable, or unkind parts tactfully removed.

Not very honest.

Not very real to you or the other person.

Over the past few months there has been a real shift in our household.

All of us — me, my wife, and my daughter — are focusing on being REAL and RAW in our conversations.

Real in terms of speaking your truth with full sincerity.

Raw in speaking the whole truth, not leaving anything out, with full emotion.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying open the flood gates to disrespect, hate, or fighting. I’m just pointing out that there are ways to fully convey the message and emotion without having to sugarcoat everything.

We added the caveat that any question or topic is fair game. There is no reason to hide from a conversation.

Some things that our family has learned…

1. Real and raw conversations can be uncomfortable, especially at the start.

2. We talk more, we understand more, we feel more when we are real and raw with each other.

3. We find out a lot of things from the past that were omitted or we misunderstood.

4. Honesty trumps comfort. Conversations that are difficult in the moment can pay great dividends beginning now and continuing for the future.

5. Expletives and “inappropriate” phrases may be necessary to express the full meaning and emotion. This includes to, from, and with our daughter.

6. We respect and love each other more at the end of a real and raw conversation. (In the past few months, my wife and I have had some of the most difficult, yet most life-giving conversations in our 18 year relationship.)

7. It’s OK to have real and raw conversations (not fights) when our daughter is around. It has been healthy for her to see us grapple with hard topics and express emotions.

Think about how you are communicating at home.

Is it working for you?

Is your truthful message expressed and do you understand the other person’s response?

If not, maybe it’s time to start getting real and raw.

Time to Investigate It

A thought brings you sadness or frustration… INVESTIGATE it.

A thought brings you stress… INVESTIGATE it.

An action brings out your rage… INVESTIGATE it.

A thought leaves you feeling despair or weakness… INVESTIGATE it.

One of the key ways to get beyond our baggage, skeletons, and liabilities is to explore them for what they are.

  • Are they truth?
  • Are they lie?
  • Are they a story from a long time ago that is no long is relevant?

Often our negative thoughts and actions are stuck in our past. They are based on things that are totally out of our control.

If you want freedom of your heart and mind, you have to expel the negative and usher in new thoughts of peace and confidence. It starts with investigating your old thoughts.

#DoTheWork